Be accessible to your children
• Learn about your children’s interests — for example, favourite music and activities — and show interest in them
• Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question.
• Notice times when your children are most likely to talk — for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car — and be available.
• Start the conversation; this makes your children know you care about what is happening in their lives.
• Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.
Let your kids know you are listening
• When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
• Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
• Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their point before you respond.
• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
Respond in a way your children will hear
• Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
• Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it is okay to disagree.
• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, “I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think.”
• Focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own during your conversation.
Note the following:
• Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings or help solving a problem.
• Children learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings.
• Talk to your children — don’t lecture, criticize, threaten or say hurtful things.
• Children learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don’t feel you have to step in.
• Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk and they may share the rest of the story.
• Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. Parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures.